She’d been having school problems and though she was above average (isn’t every kid above average? Seriously, I don’t think I have ever heard a parent say to me - “Well ya know my kids are a bit slower than the rest, but I still love them!”), they couldn’t get her to read books.

I asked her if she had an iPod and they replied that she had and she rarely took it off.

“Why don’t you get her books on audio then” I suggested.

You’d have thought I’d just cracked the Riddle of the Sphinx such was their gushing response.  At one point I thought they were going to hoist me on their shoulders and march through the dining room proclaiming me king of the universe.

I’m not sure if I have ever had a more obvious answer to a such a simple question and it was a brilliant example of people being stuck in traditional ways of thinking.

Traditional thinking keeps people stuck where they are. Traditional thinking tells people that Rich and Happy isn't possible for them, or that they aren't worthy or ready to be Rich and Happy.

If you think that, then it's time to step out of your own shoes and adopt a more empowering view point, right about NOW!

In all fairness, I suppose the answer to the parents problem was obvious to me because I love audio books and I only ever buy physical books if I can’t get the unabridged audio version. I can listen to a book a week on my iPhone (when it’s working) either walking the dogs, at the gym or in the car, whereas a book can take me a month or sometimes much more.

At the moment I have been sent new books by Chris Guillebeau and Deepak Chopra to review and I’m wondering if I can get them read this side of Thanksgiving, yet if they were on audio I’d knock them out in short order.

The reality is we all have different styles or combination's of styles for learning. I like audio books you may like traditional media, somebody else may prefer video, it is what it is and it’s no big deal as long as we know what’s best for us.

We are possibly about to invest a load of money (relatively speaking) from the How To Be Rich and Happy coffers into producing the audio version of the book and I really want need your feedback.

A book of the length of How To Be Rich and Happy will probably run at about 5 hours as Don’t Ask Stupid Questions is about 90 minutes or so to read and How To Be Rich and Happy is three times longer.

Paying somebody to do the book (even at mates rates) and all the editing involved is expensive and we want to be sure we’ll get the money back.

What we don’t want to do is go through the process and then nobody buys it as that would slow up the project to give the books away to good causes whilst we recoup the money.

I’ve set up a very simple 6 question survey and would be really grateful if you could spare a minute to let me have your thoughts. It’s only really relevant if you have already bought a copy or would be interested in an audio version.

If you have no intention of buying it, you’re much better going and reading ‘Why I’m Giving My Books Away For Free’ and maybe grabbing yourself all my 3 books for nothing.

Click Here To Take The Survey

]]> http://howtoberichandhappy.com/site/2010/09/do-you-believe-you-can-be-rich-and-happy/feed/ 1 http://howtoberichandhappy.com/site/2010/08/a-shortcut-to-feeling-rich-and-happy/ http://howtoberichandhappy.com/site/2010/08/a-shortcut-to-feeling-rich-and-happy/#comments Tue, 31 Aug 2010 18:03:02 +0000 Tim Brownson http://howtoberichandhappy.com/site/?p=635 I’m sure you know that one of the most powerful positive emotions known to man is gratitude. The human brain is so poor at holding two contradictory thoughts that the moment you throw a sense of gratitude into the mix it’s really difficult to feel all of those nasty negative emotions that may have previously been loitering in the nether regions of your mind.

In the exceptional book Authentic Happiness, Martin Seligman talks about an exercise designed to move us into a sense of gratitude which in turn leads to feeling happier. Seligman suggests that every now and then we should say thanks to people we are grateful for, but may not know of our gratitude.

What a cool Rich and Happy trick that is, don’t you think?

I’m going to thank somebody in this post that I’m not sure if I have ever thanked properly before. It’s somebody that probably doesn’t even know the positive effect he had on me as he isn’t a close friend and I’ve never even met him.

About 6 years ago I was just getting into Life Coaching and the realization that I may leave sales and move into full time coaching was starting to crystallize.

At the time I was working for a huge sales organization and to say we were constantly under the cosh and morale was low would be a gross understatement. As a way of trying to feel better about what the situation I was in I’d stopped listening to the news on my journeys all over the UK and started playing self development cd’s instead.

One of the cd’s in question was a live performance by Michael Heppell of his book ‘How To Be Brilliant’.

I loved his message of being the best you can and always offering the best you can to the people you serve, and I loved it even more because I was laughing along with him for much of the 60 minutes.

One of Michael's suggestions was when somebody asks us how we are, rather than replying with the normal “Not bad” or “Can’t complain” we say “I’m brilliant!” and see what the response is.

I ran this idea past a close friend of mine at work and we decided to do this for a month to see what happened.

The results were amazing.

Whenever we were asked in the office how we were doing we responded with “Brilliant” and then shot the person a big cheesy grin. This nearly always resulted in one of two responses.

Response 1: These people tended to be highly suspicious and asked questions like “What have you got to be brilliant about?”

It was almost as if they were frightened they were missing out on something, that we knew something they didn’t. They’d usually wonder off muttering to themselves about us not taking things seriously and looking for other people to confirm their belief that life really is as crap as they suspected.

Response 2: - This was the flip side and the really cool bit. Many people would immediately break out in a big grin and very often start laughing for no reason too. It was almost as if we had given them permission to be happy. As though prior to that there had been some unwritten rule that fun was to be checked at the door when arriving at the office in the morning.

Some of these people even picked up and ran with the idea themselves and it wasn’t long before one half of the office thought the other half was mental!

About 3 years ago just prior to  ‘Don’t Ask Stupid Questions’ being published I contacted Michael to ask for some blurb I could use to promote it. He was one of only 2 people that I would consider ‘famous’ from a total of about 20 that even bothered to respond (the other by the way was another great British speaker, Steve McDermott).

Since then I’ve had contact with Michael on a number of things, not least of which is the testimonial he gave us for the launch of How To Be Rich and Happy. I’ve even had a chat via Skype when he graciously offered me his time and experience on publishing matters.

So today I want to use Seligman’s 'Rich and Happy' trick and say a huge thanks to Michael Heppell. I’m extremely grateful I bought How To Be Brilliant and it's possibly that without it, I may never have turned to coaching. I’m even more grateful to now consider Michael a friend and one day I might even buy him a beer if he gets his lazy ass to Florida.

Who are you grateful for that maybe doesn’t quite realize it? What about telling them right here and right now? If that’s not practical, pick the phone up or write a letter safe in the knowledge that you’ll feel better, and so will they.

So instead of Mr Strelecky you have a post from me with a quick down and dirty look at techniques that if you can incorporate into your life, will make you feel Rich and Happy!

1. Align With Your Values

Unless you know what your core values are you will struggle with blocks in your life. All your decisions are based around your values and what you consider imperative to your life and Rich and Happy people get this.

For example, if you have a number one value of integrity and work for a business that rips off its customers (even if you are not involved in the actual process) then you will feel uncomfortable either consciously or unconsciously.

There are also away from values, things that you move away from at all costs and again you should know what these are as they can frequently be the reason why you just can’t follow through with somethings no matter how hard you try.

2. Happiness is Internal

Chase money, possessions, titles as much as you want, but realize that they wont bring you happiness. You already have that if you can be bothered to dig around and look for it.  Being in complete alignment with your values will help you find happiness.

3. Beliefs Aren’t Real

Your belief system is something that you’ve built up over your life. It comes from your parents, your friends, your colleagues and many other sources. It is evolving and changing all the time.

You probably believe in the tooth fairy, but somebody told me only last week, she really doesn’t exist. Disappointing though that is, especially as I have been stock piling my new puppies teeth for a big payday, we just have to accept reality and change the belief.

What false beliefs about your abilities are you holding onto that are holding you back? When you know they are, undermine them, look for counter examples and replace them with more empowering beliefs. After all, if you think you can, you probably can.

4. It's Only YOUR Map

This is a presupposition of NLP and critical to understanding and making changes. Just because you view something one way doesn’t make it so.  Everybody has his or her own map and theirs is just as accurate as yours. Adopting that one belief will remove conflict from your life.

5. Step Back

If in moments of introspection you can take a step back and view your life or any given situation from a watchers point of view you will often see things that you can’t see from your angle. It can also be useful to take the 2nd person position, which involves seeing you through the eyes of the person you are talking to or involved with. Most people resist this especially when coming under attack, be different.

6. Write It Down

Whether it is goals or simply ideas you have on trying to improve your life put them on paper. The sheer act of writing something down sends a message to the unconscious mind that you are serious about what you are doing that it need to get to work on bridging the gap between where you are now and where you want to go. Not only that but it frees up that memory hungry part of your brain called the pre-frontal cortex and allows you to use it for planning your Rich and Happy journey.

7. Every Action Has a Positive Intention

This is another NLP presupposition. Even when you do what sometimes seem like ridiculous things there is always a positive intent behind it. It may take some digging to get to it but it is there. Taking smoking as an example. It can seem self-destructive and often smokers that want to quit will refuse to see the benefits, but they are there. By accepting that your actions are not there to harm you (even self-harm fits into this category) you are infinitely more likely to be able to make changes

8. Model

If you want to be Rich and Happy, look for Rich and Happy people and copy them. This is how children learn to speak and it is how we get good at something quickly. Too many people are frightened of asking for help because they think it makes them look weak. In my not so humble opinion, not asking for help makes you look stupid.

9. Make Mistakes

Mistakes are feedback, they are nature’s way of telling us we need to adjust to take stock and reconsider. They do not mean we are failure as a person just that we failed at a task. Relish mistakes, hug them, caress them and thank them for dropping by because they are helping you to learn.

10. Be Kind To Yourself

This is so important to get a handle on. There really is no need ever to beat yourself up, be kind to yourself like you would a loved one. We all make mistakes, even the super successful make mistakes, try and learn from them and move on. Too many people seem to be great at beating themselves up and terrible at praising themselves. Give yourself some credit from time to time, you deserve it!

Rich and Happy Update

We just wanted to say a massive thanks to those of you that have bought the book, donated money and time and helped us spread the word because last week we blew through the $50k mark of books given to good causes. We couldn't have done it without you!

Her remarks caused me to slowly stroke my chin whilst gazing at my naval for some time. I then went and sat in a darkened room for 8 hours to conduct some serious soul searching as to whether I’d been a very naughty boy.

After some deep reflection and a brief nap I came to a profoundly shocking realization.

She was wrong!

My reality (and that’s all I can ever offer you by the way) is that I take life as as seriously as it needs to be taken, which is not very.

I had a strong urge to phone Eckert Tolle and tell him to come and help because my ego was running amok, but my ego wouldn’t let me, it insisted I tell the whole world (or at least the good readers of the How To Be Rich and Happy blog) about this somewhat startling revelation.

The last I heard everybody ends up dead and it doesn’t matter whether they take what happens prior to that seriously or not. It’s a bummer of a script that you can't ‘serious’ yourself to a longer life, but that’s just the way it is and I’m afraid we’re going to have to live (and die) by it.

I am going to give you a massive Rich and Happy trick now, one I frequently use with life coaching clients because of its awesome power.

To change your behavior you have to change your state.

With the possible exception of intense fear which I never recommend to my clients, what do you think the biggest state changer known to the human race is?

That’s right, it’s laughter.

Have you ever been in the middle of an argument and the other person has started laughing? Presuming they’re not laughing at you, what did you do? I’ll wager a tidy amount that you started laughing too or at the very least softened your outlook.

The reason being, laughter is more contagious than Swine Flu and definitely a lot better for you. It improves mood, aids the immune system, reduces pain and absolutely obliterates stress. If you don't believe me try and feel stressed whilst your laughing out loud and you’ll find you can’t.

In Rich and Happy we talk about having a laughter list. This can be either a literal list that you carry with you at all times or a mental list that you can recall at will. On that list should be a number of things (between 5 and 10) that are GUARANTEED to make you laugh.

Then when you start to take yourself or even life a tad too seriously or you are just feeling stressed, you ‘look’ at your list and give yourself permission to laugh off that stress.

Now I do realize that there are occasions when it won’t be appropriate, but they are far fewer than you think.

Rarely if you start laughing will people not laugh with you even if they haven’t got a clue what you’re laughing at. The reason for that is, when you laugh you give other people permission to laugh too.

Isn’t that a cool thing? That by laughing, you make yourself feel better and give the rest of the world permission to feel better too?

This always makes me laugh from a classic old UK TV series, I'd love to know what's on your laughter list?

Why do you think that is?

The reason is actually very simple and it’s that De Niro never saw himself as a fat and lazy guy. His identity would have been a slim or athletic person that was carrying a little excess baggage for a short period of time.

There would have been no concern about losing it and no conversations about trying to get back to his normal weight. It would be a done deal before he started and simply a matter of when, rather than if.

If you are British you’ll probably be familiar with the name, Daley Thompson.

Daley is one of the greatest British Olympians of all time and was at various times European, Commonwealth, World and Olympic champion in a real man-killer of an event, the decathlon. He went undefeated for almost a decade in major competitions and was beloved by the British public for his gutsy performances and bubbly personality.

Toward the end of his career he sustained a serious injury that prevented him taking part in any serious competition in the lead up to the Olympic Games in Seoul, and when he had competed his form was obviously well below what was expected of him.

The selection committee let it be known that he was in serious danger of being dropped from the team if he didn’t prove both his fitness and his form. Thompson’s response was to turn up at the final event before selection wearing a t-shirt in the warm up period that read:

"Form is Temporary - Class is Permanent"

Thompson knew how good he was and knew that a temporary blip didn’t simply cast 10 years of world class performing out of the window. He still believed he was the best in the world, which is exactly what he needed to believe if he was to get fit and compete at that level.

The reality is he did get picked (mainly because we didn’t have anybody better than even a half fit Thompson) and managed to finish in fourth place which bearing in mind what he had gone through was incredible.

Being Rich and Happy isn’t a temporary condition it’s a state of mind, a way of living that anybody, including you, can have. If that is, you believe you can.

If you think Rich and Happy is a destination, it's doubtful you'll ever arrive.

From today, decide to be Rich and Happy, think of yourself as Rich and Happy, act as Rich and Happy people act, adopt Rich and Happy beliefs and slowly but surely you'll start to feel like you genuinely are Rich and Happy.

Rich and Happy News

Still wondering whether to get your own copy of How To Be Rich and Happy? Check out the latest review from Carl Harvey of Personal Development Planet.

Do you have a great idea for a Rich and Happy blog post? If so let me know (tim at how to be rich and happy dot com) because we are going to start accepting guest posts from the beginning of August.

And finally, until the end of July we are giving away  free copies of How To Be Rich and Happy. If you want one and you genuinely cannot afford to buy one, click the link and read more.

Your map appears to have been one that Columbus decided was out of date, your compass really didn’t like being left in your bag with your trusty magnet and the pesky birds appear to have eaten all your bread crumbs that would have guided you back from whence you came.

You’re probably feeling a bit panicky, but wait a moment, isn’t that a clearing up ahead? Yes, yes, it is, there’s a clearing that will hopefully allow you at least a sight of the sun to get your bearings if nothing else.

As you approach the first rays of sunlight you have seen in hours you can see the path in front of you splits into two. At this point you suddenly recall the conversation with the wiry, tousled, one-toothed check out clerk that tried to sell you a map at the gas station the previous evening.

In between cackling, chugging on a bottle of some suspicious looking liquid and eyeing you up and down mockingly  you remember him mentioning this very clearing, but what exactly was it he said?

It was something about the Fork of Indecision, but you disregarded it as the ramblings of an old loon trying to scare the tourists into buying maps and provisions. Damn, you now wish you’d actually bought the map if not the tins of Spam that looked older than you.

For the next 20 minutes you stand at the clearing trying in vain to recall exactly what it was the old guy had said.  You know he said that one route meant certain death, but surely he wasn’t being serious? You certainly laughed it off at the time, but you aren’t laughing now.

What are you going to do?

My guess is you wont stand there until you starve to death. Even if one path really does lead to certain death, standing in one place for the next week does the exact same job, so at least moving in one direction will increase your chances of living to 50%. Not great odds admittedly, but better than the alternative.

Millions of people every day land up at their own personal fork of indecision and many of them stay there staring at the alternatives, sometimes for decades, and never make their mind up.

Actually you can strike that last comment off the record, because they are making a decision. They are making the decision that they will allow other people, circumstances and events to make their important decisions for them.

Rich and Happy people are brilliant decisions makers, but there is a secret to their skill that a lot of people don’t know about, and it’s this:

They are good at it because the practice it and they don’t expect to get it right every time!

If you have a fear of something there are basically two options open to you. The first method is to face up to it knowing that it’s only a fear, a projection in your mind. The second option is to do your utmost to avoid whatever it is for the rest of your life.

Amazingly, most people take the latter option. If they have a fear of flying they don’t fly, if they have a fear of public speaking they don’t volunteer to speak and if they get uncomfortable making decisions, they don’t decide.

Imagine two friends who are complete novices at the game decide to take up golf. Both are male, both 40 years old and both of a similar build. Neither play any other sports and have never considered themselves as sporty types.

One of the guys decides he’s going to hit 500 practice range balls every day before spending an hour on the putting green. The other thinks he’ll look like an idiot hacking the ball all over the range and goes home for a lie down.

A week later both guys meet on the tee for their first round together. Who do you think will win?

Making decisions is a skill just like playing golf and the more you do it the better you get at it and the easier it becomes. Rich and Happy people get this and therefore make decisions quickly and without second guessing themselves or beating themselves up when they get it wrong.

And yes I do mean ‘when’ because everybody screws up and get’s it wrong.

The next time you have a decision to make and you can’t make your mind up, just guess. Seriously, I know that goes against the grain for many people that like to weigh the odds, study the facts and come to well-informed decisions, but who cares?

The point isn’t to get it right every time because that is an impossibility, the point it to just do it and get comfortable with taking back control of your life.

Note: John has finally joined me on Twitter so if you want to follow him you can do so by clicking here.

Music was playing, people were smiling and wandering around.  It was very festive.

To our left was the giant lagoon all decked out with foliage and flowers. Spaceship Earth glistening beyond.  And in the mist of this pleasantry, up wanders two wild ducks.

How about that?  In addition to all this marvelously created fake reality, here comes two beautiful wild mallards.  My daughter was very excited because they literally walked right up to our table, mucked around for a while, and then wandered underneath it and out.  A great chance for her to see them up close.

Then I noticed something that made me go hmmm.  As the ducks wandered away from our table up to the next table, the guy sitting there tried to shoo them away.  He was sitting eating his $14 falafel wrap, and he literally took the time to move his arms and feet at the duck, in what appeared to be somewhat of a territorial display.  This went on for minutes.

And I found this odd.

I struggled to comprehend the big threat.  Sure they were wild ducks, which meant anything was possible.  Although to be fair, I haven’t seen too many Discovery Channel episodes of Mallards going for the jugular and taking down a human, especially at Epcot.

I guess they could have pecked his feet, but this guy was wearing gym shoes, not the potentially peck hazardous flip-flops.  An ankle nip perhaps...a childhood incident gone wrong where a kind bread offered gesture resulted in lifetime duck trauma...bird flu?

After all, if Steve Irwin could get taken down in a freak stingray accident, isn’t anything  possible?  No wait, that was a STINGRAY!

The answer escaped me.  it still does.  What didn’t escape me though, was the bigger messages this duck encounter brought to life.  Life throws lots of ducks at us.  Some are real ducks.  Some are annoying people.  Some are opportunities outside of our area of interest.  Some are cool things we’re actually interested in.  Some are tweets, texts, emails, junk mail...and a broad assortment of other potential “ducks”.

And when they come at us, we’ve got a choice.  We can give them a quick look and if we like them, give them more time, and if we don’t, don’t.  OR, we can get all distracted by them- waving our feet and hands and taking up lots of time and mental energy.

Rich and Happy people choose the former option.  Most people choose the latter.  Then they complain they don’t have enough time to do things they really want.

Watch your actions this week.  See if you’re busy shooing away ducks.

By the way if you could spare 20 or 30 seconds we'd love some help with the voting at Change This. We are trying to earn enough votes so that we get to write a manifesto for How To Be Rich And Happy and highlight what we are doing in an effort to help good causes. We are currently 3rd out of 10 (we're the bottom proposal on the page)  and we really would love your help with a quick vote. Thanks!

I know for some people that seems like a strange thing to say, but the Rich and Happy approach it is very easy to grasp. It is either valid criticism and gives me an opportunity to learn, or it’s invalid and I can ignore it.

Sounds incredibly simple does it? That’s because it is, even though some people love to complicate it by second guessing others and trying to work out the meaning of life in every casual interaction, conversation and observation.

If you’re one of those people and you are adversely effected by criticism then this adopting this Rich and Happy technique will help you immensely.

Probably the most important part of this strategy is that you have to accept that criticism is never personal. I don’t care what anybody says to you or how well they know you, they are only ever telling you about themselves and their worldview, because that's all any of us can ever do.

Think about it for a moment, every time somebody criticizes you they are really criticizing something you have or haven't done, an action or a behavior.

You’re made up of millions of such actions and behaviors during your life time so it’s a little silly to believe a handful define you as an individual, no matter how much somebody wants to try and tell you they do.

There’s a well-known story about an incident in which somebody aimed an insult at The Buddha. The Buddha responded to the insult by saying;

“If somebody gives you a gift and you don’t accept it, who does the gift belong to?” The other person said, “It belongs to the person who gave it.” The Buddha said, “I don’t accept your insult, so it returns to you.”

Accepting that insults or heavy-handed criticism aren’t personal doesn’t mean that you can’t learn from them though because sometimes there can be valuable information contained within.

So let’s look at the strategy adopted by Rich and Happy people in more detail.

Ask For Feedback

If you don’t get a promotion, ask why. If you don’t get that publishing deal, ask why. If you don’t get that date, ask why. Often people wont offer feedback and without it, you are completely in the dark.

The cardinal sin here, is to not ask for feedback and then concoct your own reasons why you didn’t get the outcome you wanted. Not only will you probably get it wrong, but you’ll also make yourself miserable into the bargain. Where’s the sense in that?

Disassociate

When somebody starts to criticize you, take a metaphoric step back. View the situation from the position of a 3rd person and observe with curiosity as though you were watching a conversation between 2 people you don’t know.

Listen

Actively listen to what the other person is saying to you. Don’t start sifting your brain for clever put downs or reasons why they are wrong, just listen objectively and keep quiet.

Thank Them

It doesn’t matter what they said, thank them anyway. Even if it’s an insult, thank them sincerely. It will make you feel better and probably confuse the hell out of anybody trying to hurt you.

Evaluate

Is this criticism or feedback relevant to you? Is it true? Does it give you valuable insights to do a better job next time? Remain detached from the situation and stay in that state of curiosity. If in doubt ask other people whether they think it’s true, but make sure they are emotionally detached from the situation.

Learn

This is where the skills of reframing come into play because you have the ability to look at the feedback in anyway you choose, including if you so wish to send you into a funk.Has it told you some great stuff about yourself that you can now work on? Or has it told you the person you thought was a friend, really isn’t?

Move On

Put it behind you and do that the moment you have finished analyzing it. Don’t keep replaying it in your head ad infinitum and making yourself feel bad, there is zero value in that. Take the good stuff and use it and disregard the groundless insults.

I’m interested to know what your strategy for dealing with criticism is?

So today I’m publishing a chapter from my first book, Don’t Ask Stupid Questions - There Are No Stupid Questions because it’s so relevant to the Rich and Happy formula. By the way, if you want a free copy of Don’t Ask Stupid Questions you can click the link and it will download automatically. Currently it sells on Amazon for $15 so free is way better than that!

Remember to call back on Monday 26th April and grab your limited edition version of How To Be Rich and Happy as we expect to sell out very quickly indeed and don’t want our current readers to be disappointed.

Who Is The Most Important Person In The World To You?

This is a question that I ask many of my coaching clients at some point or another. The answer varies as you would no doubt expect and it often leads to some deep thought.

The introspection that it invokes is the real reason why I ask it because I know that the answer I am looking for is seldom the one that I am going to receive.

I hope that you are taking the time now to think how you would answer that question if maybe a spouse, or a son or daughter or just a friend asked you. Don’t just gush out the most obvious answer or the answer that you think he or she would want to hear, as that is counter-productive.

Think about it now.

Hopefully you have given this careful consideration and come to the conclusion that YOU are the most important person in the world to you. It’s not your wife or husband or parents or even your kids, it is you. Without you everything else ceases to exist and without you, you are powerless to help your loved ones.

Too many people spend their lives putting other people first. Mothers that spend their all their time devoted to doing what others in their family want and negelct their health.

Business owners think they have to always put their businesses first and allocate whatever time is necessary to be ‘successful’ and everything else comes second. And workers cannot say no to a project for fear of upsetting somebody and end up spending even longer hours at work than necessary, frequently with precious little reward.

This is simply the wrong way round. Yes of course we want to look after our loved ones, yes we want to help people around us and to be seen as caring and loving, but without love for ourselves we cannot offer it to anybody else without draining ourselves.

If you have ever flown you will be familiar with the safety process that calls for putting on your own oxygen mask in case of an emergency before trying to help others. That’s because you can’t help anybody else properly if you can’t breath yourself! Soon you would become useless; in fact worse than that, you would become a burden on those around you.

Life is like that, by giving away all your resources you soon cease to be a help and become a liability.

I know a lot of people will think of this as nonsense and not be prepared to believe it and that is cool I can understand that, but let me tell you this Rich and Happy secret.

The most efficiently benevolent people on the planet put themselves first.

They know that if they don’t keep healthy, don’t eat properly and don’t look after their own mental, emotional and spiritual health then they cannot function efficiently. They know the power of saying no from time to time and do not then wallow in guilt or live in fear that others will think badly of them.

Another common aspect of Rich and Happy people is the way they talk internally to themselves. They don’t constantly reprimand, verbally abuse or beat themselves up. They accept when they have made a mistake, learn from it and move on.

We’re human, part of life is making mistakes and there is no value in kicking yourself over and over again into the bargain. Would you reprimand a baby when it repeatedly fails in its initial attempts to walk? Of course not, they keep persevering and learning from the process and that is how it should be.

Always be kind to yourself and never say anything internally that you wouldn’t say to a loved one or a close friend.

I am not suggesting you become self-centered and arrogant or that you neglect your family and never offer help to others, not at all.

What I am saying though, is give to yourself first what you want to give to others. Take some time out for you, even if it is only 20 minutes a day. Put your feet up, read a book, switch off from the world or even better, practice meditation.

This is not being selfish, it’s being kind to yourself and not only will you feel better, but others will thank you for it too.

It was tough filtering the applicants and whittling it down to two (which ended up being six over time) as there were lots of great people I knew would really benefit and I wanted to work with.

Unfortunately, I have to say no to 95% of requests and those I do take on usually have to wait a while. Otherwise I’d be living under a cardboard box and eating peanut butter on crackers for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and I don’t even like peanut butter.

The same goes for book reviews. I get about 5 or 6 requests per month and with the books I want to read as well, I simply do not have the time to read them all without giving up all my spare time and then some.

Saying no is a part of life and it doesn’t mean you are selfish or don’t care.

Rich and Happy people get that, they can say no if and when they have to and not feel bad about it. Feeling bad because you can’t help everybody on the planet is an excellent recipe for being poor and unhappy.

The more successful you become as you move forward on your journey to be Rich and Happy the more people will see you as a resource and want you to help them.

By disciplining yourself now with minor requests, from family, friends and co-workers you become better at it later, because, and this bit is really important:

Everything you do today is practice for what you do tomorrow.

Think of people in your field that are super successful, you admire and look up to. Do you think they have the time to say yes to everybody that wants some of their time? Do they take on every project? Do they let down themselves and their loved ones down in a vain attempt to please the world?

Do you think people think the worse of them for that?

Well possibly some do, but who cares about people so eager to judge others?

At the moment Tony Robbins is running a seminar in Orlando. If I popped down to the see the shiny-toothed one (presuming I could get anywhere near him) and asked him to mentor me for 12 months and help us with setting up How To Be Rich and Happy Seminars, do you think he’d have any problem saying no?

I doubt it.

None of this means you shouldn’t help people, far from it, it just means you have to prioritize if you're going to keep your sanity and hit the Rich and Happy status you deserve.

Note: The fact they may say no doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask somebody well-known to help you if you think they can because asking for help is a huge part of the formula we talk about in How To Be Rich and Happy.  If I really did want Tony Robins to mentor me I’d ask him and then let him decide what he wants to do. In fact, I may just do that!

Speaking of Saying No - Kind Of!

The feedback we have had about our our website has been phenomenal. Both myself and John have been incredibly proud of it and to be honest I think it is better than my own site!

The guy that designed, built and optimized it is a friend of mine and the work he’s done has been massively appreciated. I’m not even sure we could have got this far without him, that's how crucial he’s been.

Just lately there has been more and more to be done in terms of maintenance and SEO (Search Engine Optimization) to keep the flow of traffic. We also had the launch of the Rich and Happy Giveaway as well as a host of changes to deal with this last week.

At the same time Dave had taken on other projects of his own and now is the time for him to concentrate on those, and rightly so!

I just wanted to use this space to say thanks a million and tell you guys if you ever need a website/SEO/design guy, then Dave Raymond from Crossridge comes highly recommended.